Last night I woke up in the middle
of the night vexed by a dream that I couldn't quite understand. It's been some
time since something like this has happened. I've been so tired lately that as
soon as my head hits the pillow I go instantly into REM sleep, then wake up a
few hours later with nothing I can remember or reflect on from the night before.
But this dream had me grabbing a pen and paper so that I could remember every
detail for later analysis when I was completely awake, hopefully, a few more
hours later. I managed to squeeze another two hours of sleep before my alarm
had me jarring my eyelids back. I didn't have to look at what I wrote down
earlier, because it was still all very clearly imprinted in my memory when I
woke up.
The dream was not very long and it
started as if I happened to walk in on a movie midway through. In the scene, my
friendship with this beautiful blue butterfly had already been established and
we were in a bright room together where it was happily sitting on my arm. The
next thing I know there was a soft breeze wafting in from an open window that I
didn't notice, and the butterfly took flight around the room as though it were
riding a wave, trying to land back onto my arm. When the little creature came
closer, this time, one of its wings had gone missing. Only the crusted remains
of the outer framing of the front and rear wing on one side were still
attached, like broken shards of glass still attached to the frame of a window.
Fluttering desperately to land on me like I was a helipad, it finally made its
landing but just as quickly the wind pushed the feather light creature right
off of me and once again the poor thing fluttered desperately to find a way to
land safely back in my refuge. When I caught sight of it again the only remains
of the still moving, but weak creature, was its mid-section and the bare frame
of both of its wings. With the air in the room picking up speed from the open
window, I lost sight of my sad little friend again when I looked away for a
moment to locate the source of the swirling wind. Moving on all fours to the
floor I looked up at the open window blazing with light. With my head down low
on the ground so I could have a better chance of seeing its slight frame
silhouetted against the light of the window, I looked desperately for a moving
speck like Horton with his Who. But with an open door that I had to close so
that it wouldn't get sucked out of the room and lost forever, I still couldn't
see it. Anxious, I feared I was too late with the door or that I might have
stepped on it with my gargantuan body when I moved to take my position on the
floor. I wanted so desperately to help this crippled creature but I couldn't
even see it any more. The last look I had of the creature, imprinted in my
memory, was its skeletal figure before it was swept away by the wind, fighting
for its life. And then, I woke up.
Through dreams, I believe, is the
only way that my subconscious has a chance to scream at me and I have no choice
but to listen. Most of the time it feels like a warning that I usually push
aside and ignore by muffling its voice with mindless work and pointless
distractions. But at night, when it's just the two of us, my inner voice has
the upper hand. What is the problem now? What
am I doing wrong this time? I can't even remember the last time I saw a
butterfly in real life. What on earth would have me dreaming about them now?
With broken wings no less. So I sat down on my computer to do a little research
on this. My dream interpretation dictionary was of no use to me, whatsoever, so
I turned to my good friend, Google.
Apparently, I'm not the only one who
has had this sort of dream before. There are many people (women mostly) that
have had similar dreams of butterflies and they almost always involve strong
winds swirling around them. Many of them with broken wings but none trying
hopelessly to fly with both wings missing! What I found about butterflies,
which is the usual interpretation, is that they are a symbol of transformation.
What I could understand from the many translations, saying the same thing, is
that dreaming about butterflies may mark the beginning of a transformation in
your waking life. Being born from a species that crawls on the land then
transforms itself into something that can take flight can be a metaphor for
freedom and leaving the material cares of the world behind to live a higher
more meaningful existence. I like this.
I'll take that. In some way, I'm sure
everyone would love to live this kind of existence. This is very true about
myself. There has to be more to life than just working, breathing and having
more stuff to weigh you down. This year, I have embarked on a journey of
self-discovery and to experience everything life has to offer in the means that
I have available to me. I would love to literally take flight more often than I
do, but I tend to weigh myself down with obligations, things that that I have started,
and material things that I've collected through the years, but feel like
tossing out the window sometimes. Is this what is meant by those broken wings?
The urge to constantly want to take flight but, by my own doing, I have weighed
myself down by things that are not important anymore? I wonder.
The last time I had a dream like
this. My subconscious, or whatever was speaking to me, was a little more specific.
It had a person in mind. It was someone I was far away from at the time and on
a subconscious level, was reaching out for some kind of relief from his pain
that I must have picked up on. It was my brother Jason. One night about a year
ago, I woke up crying in the wee hours of the morning because of a dream I had
that my brother was being tortured by military officials who had him under
investigation for something he didn't do. I was in the interrogation room with
my brother when he was taken in for questioning and when they were torturing
him. However, I was invisible. Not a person in the room could see me but I saw
everything. He was accidently murdered in the dream and the story was covered
up with lies of a mishap during a drill or whatnot. I tried to scream the truth
at the people around me, to vindicate my brother, but no one could hear my
cries. I woke up in the same desperation I felt in the dream, called my brother
immediately and left a message. About an hour later I heard back from him and
things in the home front were not going well for him. His marriage was in
crumbles and he was desperate with pain. When he told me this news I had to hug
myself to keep my broken heart from spilling out of my chest for him, and worse
still, that I could do nothing to take his pain away.
Since that day, I started to take
the voice in my dreams very seriously. It may just be a sad little butterfly to
one person, but it could also mean something very important I need to consider
about myself, or someone I care for that I need to be more receptive about. Or
maybe, I'm just crazy and need some more sleep. I don't know. Time will tell I
suppose.
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